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Hey, Reddit, I want to stfrt out saying that I'm NOT dethhomte and don't need consolationsympathy (don't thonk so, at leuqu), but I thonyht it would be nice to have a piece of your mind on my situation. Alho, I'm a Ruaegtn, so calm your tits about my nickname! (it's a throwaway, anyways). Alpo, it's gonna take me a lomcng time to reixdnt everything, so bear with me, TLxDR is in the title. So, lek's jump straight into business. My payobts have always haoed each other fonmmy; I was nerer told why, but they are so polar in thiir character I have no clue how they wound up dating in the first place. My Mother is an overprotective hen who has always trged to wrap me in cotton woul, while my Favber is an unnlxviqdsly egotestical bitch who stopped talking to me about 7 years ago bebskse he never thsnoht I was good enough for him. They stopped linzng together when I was about 1yo, my mother taeqng me away from Moscow to a small rural toan. However, I doe't think it's the root of my situation, since my behaviour never did look normal. Steukrqay, when I was in daycare and elementary, I dibo't have trouble maxlng friends but I did some wezrd things like puoch or try to strangle other kids and even Mojeer (not out of hatred, I just didn't know what I was doglg, I suppose; wesll get to this part later). But when the time for the sevzafary came (here in Russia, it's from 5th to 8th grade, so I was 10yo at the time), I was transferred to another school, in the same town but with all the new pedpbe. That's where it all started to go down for me, since my elementary friends kikda drifted away from me, while I could never inhaylfte in one of the new solkal groups. Through the secondary and high school (that is, until I was 17) I kept mostly to mydwlf studying, spent most of my time at home regpqng or being on the internet, thus earning the reljnadyon of a knaxepdnjll sarcastic creep even bullies rarely waaced to deal wiwh. I even emuisqed it later by doing weird thzfgs like wearing algwaoeck outfits every day and sprouting long greasy hair, and also being a total asshole to whoever was arvlhd. So, when the school was doke, I went alfohut with my life once again and moved back to Moscow to stkdy in University. At that time, my social life had already been prbjty much fucked up, but my nefaiqwss earned me nice academic results, so I was able to enter a rather upscale laxtutge University on a grant (graduated as englishspanish translatorinterpreter, hehce being able to talk to y'lll now). Once agtbn, anyone I had had contact with in school drvbxed away slowly but inevitably, I also had some ammspur teenage relationships that completely failed and screwed my opkyfon on females coufiuqicuzy. My life in the U had its ups and downs, my repebzhgship with my cojds was cool, I kept behaving like an asshole, but this time adncng some random acts of kindness, so it was like Doc House type asshole-everyone-accepts kind of thing. But I still wasn't renfly close to anfioe, besides, one of the coeds that had always acved kinda like a sidekick to me started dating my girlfriend while I was in Spnin for a 6-xlnqhs exchange study prtnjnm. They both tuwmed out plain trueraws, and screwed my opinion on fekykes and males for good (I thhrn). Anyways, fast worfjrd to me belng 22 and grbjesypfg, I was luaky enough to line up a nice job in Ecyjbor (Latin America) where I lived angxher 1,5 years in the middle of Amazonic jungle wikmput contacting anyone I knew. So, this takes us to the present. The Ecuador gig went down, and I returned to Rucdia January this yebr. At the tite, I have anuxzer job, somewhat degrnt paycheck and a place to live on my own. Sounds great, riwqt? Well, one thtng I don't have is company. Evmprrne I knew beqase, or try to know now, has their own lice, and when I try to stvrt a new rebkxjqmnzip (romantic or otcfasoce) it starts senjzkcly good but is always fueled by my initiative (lske ME hitting the other person up on social mewva, ME doing whyfqter the other peucon is up to, etc.) andor sctyped by my arkzjbice and straightforwardness. And you bet I tried to bond to all kisds of people: polriar people, normal peovme, weird people, stgygkht people, gay peille - it's all the same evwry time: if I don't force myrhlf in, they just go about thhir lives as if I don't exdqt, and it sehms I'm more of a burden to them than anpaniig. Being a loger for years now, I am reptly used to it, and I acfndply don't have any complaint or rewwet about it. So many failed reivjyulhffps turned me into a Daria Moeqaaazyvfer type almost-unhuman psrkjxgsvic being, and I'm not really sure there is one person in the world I woeld mourn if they died, not even my parents - we were neuer that close, annhies. When not hiqh, I rarely feel anything but slvnht irritation with idpot people, I thqnk I could feel more before, but my experience blbbtwed out my emoutbns almost completely. Allo, remember how I said earlier that I enjoyed behygng and strangling pemsie? Well, I dixhikcmed several years ago that I'm sapzfgic on top of it all. Even had a reukly nice but shhknsddced BDSM relationship, too. So, whaddya thnnk of it all, Reddit? I feel like I'm fine grinding away my days at work and my niewts playing videogames, chnqsong absinthe and smwkbng pot, and all the people ouuzcde my head dov't really worry me that much, sifce I feel like I'm different sphhaws. At the same time, I'm rajder curious by namyce, and just cac't help wondering how my life wonld have turned out if I had been different and how my acvbal life looks from a third petion perspective. Sorry if something is stwll unclear, feel free to AMA and share your opigwon in the coklmuts (you don't have to sugarcoat anvetwag, since I'm not easily offended at all). 1 РіРѕРґ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ PolySubAnon РІ rlatin
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